Archives: My very first blog on MySpace: Illustrated Guide to New Technology

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Reposted: The Illustrated Guide To New Technology
Current mood:  accomplished
Category: Web, HTML, Tech

Once upon a time, in the days of old.

Communication became a problem.

Messengers were killed by angry Kings, who 

received from other Kings, terribly nasty threats,

such as: "MY best Knights will come and destroy your kingdom

 and have your daughters nether parts for breakfast the very

 day after"

Over the years, still much hadnt developed and they STILL had
 the same system in the wild west, and what was it called?

Notice the part that says "Willing to risk Death Daily"?

The Indians didnt want them around checking out their squaws

 in the middle of the night.

So you know what happened then right?

Time went on and the importance of getting messages back and

 forth became apparently

more important, especially for the cavalry.

So a genius sat down one day and said: "I must invent
 something to make messages fly, but man cannot fly, there
 must be a way to make it get there faster to the recipient.
 So after grueling months and months of research to find ways
 to declare federal holidays more frequest....OOPS, I mean find
 ways to get things to recipient faster. They invented the:

 "Telegraph"

This was a GREAT invention, well by merely tapping on a 

lever, you could not only get messages from one place to

 another at blazing speeds, you could also drive everybody

 else in the room with you stark raving mad, especially if

 the "telegraph sender" were cussing co-employees out in 

Morse code and they didnt know how to decode it!!

Any construction workers out there work with a Mexican?

 YOU know what i mean!

After being "bleeped"  so much that everybody was dreaming

 we were  being invaded by Martians.  It was decided that

 there HAD to be a way to TALK and be heard...SCREW THAT CODE!!!

So  the man who worked at the grocery store on the TV show of "The Waltons" invented this:

Not REALLY, but i bet a lot of kids believed that, it was

 really invented by Alexander Graham Bell.

After many years of having to walk down to the corner store

 to use the phone, The Waltons asked the clerk at the store

 to make a phone that didnt have to stay with the receiver,

 that way they could keep the phone at their house and not have

 to walk anywhere! so therefore

people REALLY enjoyed this idea!!

At this point, mankind was EXTREMELY proud of themselves!!!
  This was DEFINITELY"all that could ever be invented as far as phones go",
 in fact, this was better than walking on the MOON!!Before all this happened with the wireless phone, there was
 an invention that put ANY phone to SHAME!!!  With a WHOPPING 8086 Processor, 128kb of system ram,
 256 kb of video ram, and an astounding 10 mb hard drive!!!The SUPER computer came to peoples homes!!

gotta love those monochrome (yellow) screened monitors!!Then they invented the internet, NOBODY TODAY can dispute
 that the INTERNET,(BOW before it everybody...THIS is our false god!!,),
is the GREATEST AND BEST EVER INVENTION for communication!!!BUT........you had to TYPE to talk to people on the internet!!!
  ARGHHHHH     Why? everybody that was new to the internet
 moaned."We want to be able to TALK on the internet, this is bogus
 and isnt ANY better than the telegraph we hate keys!!!
 just look at what happened to my keyboard from all the
typing I have to do for just one half an hour of a
conversation:

 Now THIS was a huge problem, especially for women who LOVE
 to hear each others voices when they boast about how much better THEIR new shoes are,
 than their friends. The attitude could NOT be shown thru mere
 letters, nor the braggy sound. Sure capital letters were seen
 as shouting, but what do you do to letters to place the
 "bragging emphasis" out of them???? Also, many fights started between women in chat rooms,
 because JOKING emphasis couldnt be seen either.After keyboarding, the women because it takes a LOT to type
 as much as they want to say, and also the men who wanted to
 say AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE in hopes to get these "many-worded"
 woman to cyber with them, ALL ran into a painful problem:
OUCHHHHH!!

  this is an illustration of what it takes to
correct Carpal Tunnel Syndrome!!I bet it was that keyboard pictured above that caused this!!!
Friggin Keyboards anyway, we HAVE to get something invented
 for our chatrooms.....And behold!! a new invention came out to make it SOOOO much
 easier for chat!

 Who said the internet was the best invention?????
 Looking around...hmmm OK it was me....hehehe Guess I was wrong maybe for once....lol
Years went by, many internet chatters who thought people
on the other end were as pretty as their voices were fooled
 and bad karaoke flooded our 20s and under rooms.Chat was becoming "passe" and kids wanted something new.
and guess what, they got it.

 Spoiled little brats get
 EVERYTHING I tell ya. My granddaughter has a
 "Jukephonnnnneeee" that plays 2 gb worth of "MP3'ssssss"
 (said in that braggy emphasis tone by granddaughter to me)
.Hrmphhhhhh, thats NOT fair, I have a pay as you go phone!!
 you know the ones named "go-phone" nothing fancy, just a
 plain ole phone. Well anyway, to make a long story longer....somehow and someWAY, i do not know why, some joker played
a vicious cruel joke on mankind. Technology is to bring us
FORWARD people, not back 40 years. Kids today think its the
latest and greatest thing since the wheel and they all simply
 cannot go without it!!!Heres what is cool to THEM!!!

OK, THIS ISNT FUNNY!!! I mean what in Johnnys green underwear do they see in
going back to:

 Did they not see any of the diagrams like above about what
 Carpal tunnel does? They dont want to be heard in "bragging emphasis"?
Tsk tsk tsk...Not too long after they get these silly little devices thats
 its so hard to text on you have to use a pencil to
type WITH. They will be driving one day, boyfriend beeps for
a text, says "hey baby I cant find the party, if you dont text
 me to where it is, we cant be together tonight....wait,
 I only have 1 minute before mom is in the door, text me the
location!!"She goes to text for sure....TOTALLLY! and when she does...
what happens when her eyes leave the steering wheel?:

So now you have to have a keyboard AND a pencil just to say
  "Hi". Get in a wreck instead of SPEAKING said location.Great technology!!
"Scotty , Beam Me Up!"Just THINK of the carpal tunnel you could get from one of
 these teeny little phones that your pet ferrett could swallow
 whole.Just the thought makes me go:

 Have a great day!!